1. The One when Wynessa expands

Hello, world!

Welcome to Wynessa, the shelter—what began as my small virtual haven is now ready to grow beyond borders.

My name is Diệu Ánh, but I’m known online as Anne D. I'm a young adult Vietnamese woman born and raised in Budapest, the capital city of Hungary. I have always dreamed of making a difference and connecting with the world through my voice. Still, I was afraid to share my deepest thoughts without creating a separate identity to express myself. As time passed, my fear and anxiety of being judged slowly faded, my two identities merged, and my fake pen name became a nickname. Let me tell you the story of my creative journey.

At first, I was just a small blogger on a Hungarian platform called G-Portál. I started blogging to create a safe space for self-expression, allowing me to share my thoughts, feelings, and stories. It was an escape from reality when I needed it the most, with my pseudonym granting me the anonymity to have a fresh start. This allowed me to share my work freely without fearing judgment from those who already knew me or from my readers, for reasons such as the fact that I'm Vietnamese. Back then, I wasn't comfortable enough to be proud of my origins because I'd been judged for it. For example, as a child, one of my classmates made very hurtful comments about my race, and I also kinda felt they distanced themselves from me, but it could just be a sensitive child's distorted perspective. So when I decided to share my work online, I chose a name that was neither Hungarian nor Vietnamese; it was simply a foreign-sounding pen name that could make me be anyone and kept my blogger and real-life identities separate. This way, I didn't need to be afraid that people would judge my work only because I wasn't Hungarian. When I recall that part of my life, I believe I needed that when I was still trying to find my voice and was so desperate to be heard and liked. It helped me through my confidence journey until I got comfortable enough to express myself without hiding behind an online persona.

I remember when I started to gain some confidence as a blogger, I started to leave breadcrumbs here and there about myself and my life. At first, it was just a photo of myself on the Lady of Wynessa page, rather than a GIF of a random actress or an avatar I'd created in Canva. Then, when I didn't get the negative reaction I expected, I shared more photos of myself in my posts and on the @annefromwynessa Instagram page. The next milestone was when I chose to connect my personal and blogger social media profiles in a way that it was clear I was the person behind all of them. That was the moment I stopped fearing that those who knew me would discover that I write and judge me for it, since some of my writings were personal and a reflection of my deepest thoughts. In fact, I actually wanted them to read my content and get to know me better through it. Since then, when the topic comes up in a conversation, I can confidently mention my blog and writing as one of my hobbies. It still surprises me when people show genuine interest in my creative work, as deep down, I never expected anyone to be interested in me or my writings. But I really do appreciate that I have a platform where I can feel safe, can express myself openly and, on the other side of the screen, some people hear my voice, even if it was a cry for help in the most miserable and lonely time of my life, or when I didn't have much to say.

As I gained confidence, my personal life and mental health also got better. It was a good thing; I never felt happier or more content. I met new people, felt loved, and felt my life would finally head in a fantastic direction. For the first time in a long time, I felt I was truly alive. However, it also meant that I no longer needed my virtual shelter. What I wanted to write was more mature, less about venting my misery and more about sharing my opinion, experiences and how I see the world.

At least that was the idea, but I gradually disappeared as a blogger instead. I think I was living in the moment and was so focused on my real life that I didn't really think much about writing, and I gradually lost connection to it. Even when I would have turned to writing for comfort, it wasn't my first instinct anymore, and I didn't know how to put my feelings into words. Then I had an unhealthy work-life balance, or at least all my mental bandwidth got occupied by work, and I got more and more mentally tired with each passing day until I gradually got burnt out because of it. It felt really uncomfortable; sometimes I wanted to write, or at least it crossed my mind, but I was too tired to form a proper chain of thought. Every time I tried to write again, it felt as if I tried to scream without air in my lungs. I didn't have a proper method for releasing all of the stress, anxiety and heavy feelings that got built up in me, so after a certain point I even lost touch with myself. I struggled a lot with the feeling of being lost, along with other difficult feelings and thoughts. I didn't even know who I was or what I was really interested in anymore. There was even a point when I heard/saw my own name, and even that felt strange, like it wasn't mine. That scared me and made me realise that I couldn't go on as I did.

The last few months were about healing and finding myself again, with a lot of self-reflection and ups and downs. I wasn't particularly active anywhere, offline or online, but I needed that to pull myself together. It wasn't an easy journey, and I'm still not 100% well, but I feel I'm ready to return to my oldest hobby, writing.

When I thought about returning to my blog, I had many ideas about how and when I would want to do it. I also had plans to start posting in both Hungarian and English and make my blog fully bilingual for some time now. After considering this carefully, I finally decided I would want to return as a bilingual blogger. I feel I've changed in the past few months, and I'm not the same girl I was before, so I might as well start a new chapter as a blogger by taking this leap.

I think it was in 2024, around the time my blog moved from G-Portál to Wix, when the thought of writing in English first crossed my mind. Back then, I was in a slightly different stage of my life, and my motivations were also slightly different, but everything that has happened since that moment has led to this moment in the present. That was when I became confident enough to start talking about this hobby of mine with the people around me. It was also a time when I gained some international acquaintances. So when the topic of blogging came up with them or even with my Vietnamese relatives, the sentence "I'd share my blog with you, but I write in Hungarian, so you wouldn't really understand it" came up more and more often. After saying it for some time, it became annoying and made me realise the limitations of blogging only in Hungarian, a non-international language. After this realisation, I also felt that I only used to write in Hungarian because it could only reach a limited number of people, and it felt safe when I was very insecure. However, now I feel that I kinda outgrew Hungarian as my sole blogging language, so I thought, why shouldn't I write in English? I feel that if I started to write in English too, I could reach a wider audience and not just connect with like-minded people who spoke and understood Hungarian, but people from all over the world. I grew up with more than one language; my mind operates in multiple languages, so it's time for my blog to start reflecting that.

Now that I'm taking this step, I feel various feelings. I feel excited that I could write in a new language I never used for writing before. I'm also excited because I could finally show a glimpse of my true self to everyone interested. However, this also makes me feel nervous because it's still a big, scary step to take, to open up to so many people, and I have a little "What will people think?" kind of fear. I also feel slightly disappointed because I originally wanted to publish this post and take this step last year, but life had different plans.

There's also hope in all of this. I hope that this expansion will give me the freedom to be unapologetically confident in my own skin, and I will get my spark back both mentally and creatively. I also hope to reach like-minded people I couldn't before, now that I've practically eliminated the language barrier and maybe someday international friendships will be born.

What all of this would mean to the blog? I knew I didn't want to let go of the Hungarian language and fully switch to English, so I found a solution that will allow the two languages to coexist.

I decided that the English and the Hungarian parts of my blog will not be completely identical; they will be two independent threads. Some content will be published in English, some will only gonna be available in Hungarian, and some will be published in both. However, if I post some stuff in both languages, my way of writing about them might differ in the two languages. Sometimes I might gonna be more active in English; sometimes I will post more in Hungarian, depending on which language I feel closer to and in which one I can express myself better at the moment. This way, my Hungarian readers will still have the space that they got used to for all those years, and my international readers will also have their own space. Even though my blog has years of history, my international audience will arrive at a fresh blank page, and as I build it with my English content, I will integrate my international audience into this history.

If you've made it this far, thank you for your time.😊

I hope my Hungarian followers will stay with me on this new journey as I find myself again, and I encourage every newcomer to explore my world. I still don't know the exact topics I'll share or where all of this might lead, but I hope it can grow and unfold slowly in front of you.

(Source: The main image's background was created by Microsoft Designer's image creator.)